Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lam 3: 22-23.
I woke up and it was all okay. I knew that many of my colleagues and patients had been through similar procedures and awakened to bad news. But not me, not this time.
“Thank you, Lord, for me and for my family. Please bless those who have not done as well.”
A week earlier my doctor had surprised me with a call that told me I was anemic with iron deficiency. I knew at my age that this message often led to the discovery of a GI malignancy. I knew this might flip my present concerns upside down and make all my plans to fix things at work and home meaningless. But, for some reason, whatever the outcome, it was all okay. Actually, for One reason it was all okay.
There is a beautiful passage in Corrie ten Boom’s The Hiding Place where she describes an event from childhood when she cried to her father about her fear that he might die.
Her father wisely reminded her, “Corrie, when you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you the ticket?”
“Why, just before we get on the train.”
“Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things too. Don’t run ahead of him, Corrie.”
I don’t know why I responded differently in this experience from my usual approach to major concerns. In most of my trials my emotions fluctuate like the third chapter of Lamentations, alternating between hope and despair. I’m suppose, if I really had suffered the cancer, I may have been more Lamentations-like. But, for some reason, in this trial, I remained at peace, even as I imagined my future crashing around me. For some reason, I knew that God had my ticket ready if I needed it.
Years of experience tell me that my faith is not that great in times of trial. I usually pray desperately, pursue my own plans to fix things, fail and then let God pick up the pieces. It was refreshing to go though a crisis and find myself leaning not on my own faith but on his faithfulness.
Thank you for your faithfulness, regardless of my state of mind.